Saturday 7th April 2001

// JIM & DAVID RANDALL'S JOURNEY DOWN //

Sara: "The Formula 1 was a basic but comfortable motel. So a reasonable night's sleep was had by all."

Garry: "Speak for yourself. My lovely handmaiden was sadly lacking from the 150FF per night hotel."

Sara: "Sara and Colin arrived in the front foyer for breakfast to find Tall Paul and Hendrik from GOV with their teammates already tucking into their continental breakfast. Paul decided to embarrass me by lifting me into the air in greeting. This caused hilarities when someone added "Look, no hands!". Jimm Crosby was also there, looking as mad as ever in his "Outpatient, Betty Ford Clinic" top, long hair and beard.

Jimm: "The best quote heard that morning was Martin and Tall Paul discussing team rosters: Martin: "We have seven players including Jimm Crosby" . . . Paul: "What a coincidence - we also have seven players including Jimm Crosby!" " (It must be nice to be in demand!)

Sara: "Taking a slightly longer, more scenic route (i.e. Garry missed the turning!) we arrived at the pool and got changed. Sara paled when she saw we had to play ten games of 18 minutes each, and paled even more when she saw that half of the games had to be played in a 3.8 metre pool!!!!

Martin tried to ring Jim and David to check on their progress, as we were due to play in less than half an hour, but got only 'It has not been possible to connect your call...' over and over again."

Garry: "Having played at this pool once before, I knew roughly where it was in Pontoise. However, I had failed to take heed of exactly where it was. Ho hum, we still arrived before most of the other teams. All of which I realised were just a tad better than the visiting South Bucks All Stars, plus their couple of exiles.

It was during the first match I discovered a distinct lack of fitness for playing at this level."

Sara: "You had a distinct lack of fitness? Mine was non-existent!!! Because of this I decided it was in my best interests to find some willing players who wanted some extra games. Managed to beg Argonauta's 11th man, Melis, who remained with us for most of the matches - hurrah! - we were up to six at least, but still no sign of Jim and David.

The pool was fantastic, but the deep bit was DEEP!

Pontoise/GB (deep) - Not surprisingly got slaughtered. This was really the first time I had played this deep and it was rather a shock! I think I touched the puck about once in 20 mins! Hay ho!!!

ASPTT/GB (deep) - I was starting to find my deep lungs and was actually a bit more useful. We also managed to score 2 goals! 

1 game rest, GB/ASPTT (shallow) - Managed to recruit a willing player who wanted some extra practice - French international Paul Barro from Asniéres. Oh boy, that made a difference - we had a sub and I was enjoying being in shallower water with my newly-expanded lungs from 40 mins of playing in the deep!"

Garry: "Jim, his wife and his son David arrived as we were about to start GB/Argonauta (deep)"

Sara: "We managed to persuade Stephane from ASPTT to play for us and he was very useful as a centre - he was also very encouraging to me and as a result I scored both of the two goals that we scored in that match IN THE DEEP!!!! Wonders will never cease! However, as well as scoring two goals we did manage to concede eighteen (in an eighteen-minute game!), so that was not so good . . .

1 game rest, Argonauta/GB (shallow) - had Paul back to play with us as I had managed to flutter my eyelids sufficiently and we had a very enjoyable game as we now also had David and Jim with us. A few subs: luxury!!! However, Melis cut his toe in a ruck and needed first aid.

1 game rest, "Holland Ladies"/Ille de France Ladies - we played with just the Magnificent Seven - no hangers-on."

Garry: "I got to play against two ladies teams which made the weekend seem slightly more attractive. The first of these games was against the Ile de France team - the slightly weaker of the two teams. We showed some mercy in the restraining of tackles so as not to massacre the opponents. Good game, enjoyed by all. I loved it as they improved my self-esteem immeasurably by willingly buying every dummy that I put up for auction."

		3 games rest, GB/Pontoise (shallow) Sara: "I had attempted to waterproof Melis' foot so that he could play - firstly with a condom over the foot, and then with silver duct tape over a plastic bag after the condom popped when we were larking about! However, Silverfoot did a sterling job, plus we had Paul again for the last time." GB/GOV (deep)
		Melis practices safe footsie...

1 game rest, "Holland Ladies"/Pontoise Ladies

Garry: "Our second ladies game was against the Pontoise ladies team, French champs since 1992. Quite good opponents for our merry band of pushers. After a good start, we went a goal up and all looked good until the girls came back strong. We lost shape and ultimately got to half-time 4-1 down. What the ?!@* is going on??? Not being too sexist, but I'm not going to be beaten by a bunch of women. Well not unless I start going in for strange fetishes . . .

Therefore, I had to trade in my ugly mug for a new game face and came out for the second half determined to sort out the game. OK, so I may have tackled slightly more forcefully, but I wanted to win. We overhauled the girls to eventually win 6-4. Another good game."

2 games rest, GOV/GB (shallow)

2 games rest, GB/Asniéres (shallow)

GB/Asniéres (deep)

Garry: "Back to the main tournament, we continued to be the whipping boys (and girl) but at the end, we had started to get used to playing as a team in the deep, getting our breathing and timing as one unit. Even though we did finish last in the group (we were supposed to be in a Division 2 that in the end didn't exist) we played as well as could have been expected."

The Team Back Row: Stephane Sandor, David, Garry, ??? Middle Row: Colin, Benoit ??, Melis, Jim R Front Row: Martin, Jimm C, Sara, Paul Barro, Cedric Rolin

// JIM & DAVID RANDALL'S JOURNEY HOME //

Martin receives our trophy: that is actually him recognising the chap presenting the trophies (far left), not threatening him!

The tournament organisers:Tom of ASPTT & Nathalie of Pontoise

Garry: "After a short presentation ceremony, it was back to the hotel for a quick change and then off to the post tournament party, more of which is due later. Although I will say, all did not go quite according to plan."

Sara: "When does anything ever go quite to plan with a CTDC tour? The 'not going to plan' bit started with us doing a detour on the way back to the motel for the boys to pick up provisions ... well, a lot of booze anyway! I was absolutely shagged by this point, having played my bum off, so decided to have a quick snooze in the back of the car. Even the snooze didn't go according to plan as while I was trying to get some shut eye, a French resident got it wrong trying to park next to Garry's car and bumped into Garry's bumper. Thinking he hadn't been rumbled, imagine his surprise when this face suddenly pops up from the back seat, hair doing the things that hair does when you've been asleep, and scowls out at the offending driver. He decided to go park somewhere else even though Garry's bumper stood up to the test unscathed.

My mood didn't really improve with the boys' return (carrier bags clinking alarmingly: is there going to be enough space in the car for us as well as all this booze?...and in Martin's case a large CD rack!). I was really hungry, and Garry's driving on top of an empty stomach was not really agreeing with me, and I rapidly was turning a delightful shade of green in the back. That, coupled with the faff factor that was emanating from the front of the car, meant I was - in the words of Black Adder - "more prickly than a prickly thing".

Back at the ranch we dropped off our provisions and headed back out for the after-tournament bash and (hopefully) some grub. More swinging around corners, not being able to find where the party was, reduced Sara's humour again, and this was relieved only when we decided to give up on finding the party and go and get some takeaway pizza. Although we froze our bums off waiting for the pizza, it was worth it and it was very amusing for the boys to see me suddenly come to life again as, in Garry's words, I virtually inhaled a whole pizza, only to nod off to sleep again after rather a few glasses of the local fine wine - yum, yum..."

Sara and Colin retired, the Dutchies returned from the party and they, together with Martin and Garry, made sure that the newly bought beer and wine didn't go to waste . . .

Garry: "Indeed we did. The wine was a mere 17FF per bottle and it went down very smoothly with shed-loads of pizza procured from a fine emporium in the dodgy area around the Auchan supermarket. So smooth that by the morning most of the stock I had purchased had vanished in the face of the drunken debauchery. The Dutchies were in high spirits and were prepared to let Martin tamper with their mobiles and put sets of breasts on the screen instead of the phone company's name."